A submissive or bottom is the other part of the equation in the BDSM relationship. It took me awhile to write this page because my sub has written it several times but is too critical of herself. She has yet to even show it to me. I love and cherish her so. In a BDSM relationship, the submissive has all the power and is truly in control of the relationship. I personally have never been a sub but my Sunshine says it makes her life so much easier. She no longer has to worry if she is doing the right thing because she trusts me to guide her in the right direction.
A Sub Should Be….
Thank you daddy for the introduction but I think I will take it from here. Hello to all of our new friends. I am Sunshine and as daddy mentioned, I am very critical of myself and quite reserved. Now, how a submissive/bottom, brat, princess, slave, etc should be is actually quite simple. How do you as his or her daddy/dom, top, master/mistress, etc expect him/her to be? What is it that you require from that person and what does that person need from you? It will also depend on whether or not you live the lifestyle 24/7 or just in the bedroom/when you can. Personally, I was sort of already what my daddy was needing and wanted. I am naturally a very modest and reserved person. I have a gentle soul and like to please. However, by no means am I perfect. Sometimes, I act like a brat and pout when I don’t get my way (which isn’t often) and I have a mouth that I sometimes can’t control. (Rome wasn’t built in a day you know!!) I absolutely HATE when daddy seems the least bit disappointed in me; it makes me feel like I let him down and that I am unworthy of his affections. Anyway, to me, a submissive should always do things with his/her dom in mind. For example, if I wouldn’t do something with him present, I certainly wouldn’t or shouldn’t even entertain the thought of doing it if he weren’t. As a sub, you should keep yourself clean,well groomed, and dressed appropriately (unless you are told otherwise).Not only for your daddy, but for yourself. You are a reflection of that other person and you shouldn’t want to do anything that could cause him/her to be looked at in a negative light. As a sub, you should feel strong and confident without being aggressive. A sub is the one with the true power; we dictate what will and won’t be allowed. Without a willing sub, a dom is nothing more than a controlling, possibly abusive, sick and twisted jerk! A sub should always trust his/her dom fully and without question. If you can’t trust your dom, that is a red flag. I don’t just mean trust like “sure I trust him with his friends” trust. I mean, the “yes I trust you to blindfold me and tie me to the bed and NOT stick it in my butt if I say no to that tonight” kind of trust. You should be able to feel safe with your dom, no matter the situation. Your dom is supposed to be a non-judgmental ear and shoulder to cry on when you need it. That person’s role is to always have your best interest in mind before he or she does anything with or to you. That person’s role is to be your protector; not someone you need protection from. Your mental and physical well being should ALWAYS be his/her number one priority. A good sub is one who is obedient and follows the rules. If your daddy leaves you a chore list, it is your duty to complete that list before you indulge yourself in something fun and most certainly before he/she comes home from work.Think of whatever it is that you want to do after your chores are finished as your reward for being a good girl. Knowing that daddy will be proud of you for putting your responsibilities first is also a great feeling and a reward all on it’s own. You should always be supportive of one another. Each of you needs to know that the decisions being made are what’s best for everyone. It’s nice to know that someone is always in your corner whether you’re right or wrong. Which brings me to my next point; try not to correct your dom or argue with him/her when people are present. Please just don’t do it! That will only piss him/her off even more and I can promise that your day will only go from bad to worse. Besides, arguing in public may make either of feel like you need to be hurtful to one another just to make spectators think you aren’t weak. Keep that segregated to the privacy of your own home where the two of you can discuss the issue at hand in a calm manner without either of you feeling like you need to go into defense mode. I personally don’t think there is a right or wrong way to be a sub. Again, it all depends on what works best for you and your better half. I can tell you from my experiences only that being a sub isn’t always easy but it’s worth it. I have days that I feel so insecure with myself that it makes me question everything in my life. Those are the days that are hardest for me. Those are the moments that make me wish it were bedtime so that I can lay on daddy’s chest and listen to the rhythm of his heart and count his breaths as he rubs my hair while every fear, doubt, worry, insecurity in my life just melts away. He is my safe place, my courage when I’m scared, my strength when I’m weak, my soft place to land when I fall. My daddy and I have built such a strong bond and deep connection that not everyone will understand or get to experience with one another and it’s amazing! I love him with every ounce of my being and truly couldn’t have imagined being this happy and fulfilled by relinquishing everything to him. He makes me happy in ways even I don’t understand and for that, I am forever grateful.
I won’t go on forever about this because there is already a punishment page but your role as a submissive is to please your dom in every way suitable for the amount of time you spend living the lifestyle. That sounds harder to do than it actually is. It really does get easier with time and as you learn what is expected from you. If you’re lucky, your dom will be easy with his punishments until you are through the “learning curve.” I’m not saying you won’t be punished, but maybe he will just make you take a cold shower for something you’ve done not knowing it was wrong as opposed to kneeling on rice if you do that again, knowing you weren’t suppose to. The punishment should always fit the crime in my opinion. If you’re just being a brat looking for a spanking, (like I sometimes do) then your punishment may be that you won’t get spanked for who knows how long. Daddy always tells me that he won’t reward me for bad behavior. The reasoning behind your punishment should always be discussed either before or after so that you have a clear understanding of your wrong doing and in hopes that next time, you will correct your actions on your own. Neither daddy or myself like the punishments, but we both understand that it is sometimes necessary.
Sometimes, our doms can feel insecure and would like to know that he/she is in your thoughts throughout the day. Just like you, your daddy/dom needs to feel loved and appreciated. One way that I like to show him that I am thinking of him during the day while he’s away is to send him cute little pictures that can be found on PInterest, Google, etc. They are BDSM related and mostly I pick the one that is most relevant to our relationship or how I am feeling that day. If it’s been a day that I feel insecure, it will most likely be something with a sappy message on it. Something else I like to do is sit on the counter by the back door where he comes in. I do this so he knows how happy I am that he’s home and to show my appreciation, I greet him with a kiss and a nice cold glass of his favorite drink, iced tea. It’s not much, but he at least knows that I’m happy to see him and that I was thinking of him again. He looks forward to it everyday now.